As singletons are surrounded by the coupling behaviours of others today, many will call in a hitman to help them with their own romantic hopes. Yes, today is the busiest day of the year for the world’s leading magical matchmaker, Cupid.
In spite of this rather obvious lineup for the legendary love doctor’s services, millions hope against Cupid’s finite arrow supply that their request will get through to him today. So I’d like to make a heart-felt suggestion to those feeling pressured by card company commercials to find a card partner: why not try Cupid another day?
You may be surprised to discover there are days of the year that Cupid is actually bored for customers and so will resort to random matchmaking. (Ever wonder why your best friend is dating that jerk? That, was just Cupid playing romantic roulette.) Indeed, you may be surprised by the great bargains you can get on the Cupid’s non-busy days. Consider:
April 30th: this is the day in Canada that taxes are due. Few people seek out a date with whom to fill out their taxes, so for much of that day, Cupid just flies around without a target in his dosier.
December 26th: Whereas lots of people hope to have a date for the hug-based holidays, Boxing Day is about stuff! Few people care if they have a date for the lineup at their favourite store, so give Cupid call!
February 15th-28th: Those who don’t find a date on Valentine’s often feel that fate has forsaken them, and so they spend a least a couple weeks renouncing their interest in romance, and so it’s a slow time to be Cupid.
Labour Day (and the week that follows): This is the first week back at school and the start of the new TV season, and so it is a time of year—more than even New Year’s week—that people feel they are getting a fresh start on their existence, and so they delude themselves into thinking they don’t need romance. It’s such a slow time for Cupid that he often spends the week target-shooting at celebrities (which is why so many of them, poor kids, can’t keep a marriage).
If none of these dates appeals to you, then, by all means, apply for Cupid-services on Valentine’s Day, but here are two tips to get in Cupid’s line of fire on this busy day:
(1) Be vague: If you get too picky with Cupid (asking for someone who’s “smart, funny, likes hiking by day, and curling up on the coach by night,” etc), he has to spend his busy time looking for that delightful person you have defined in mind. But, if you’re nice and general (“looking for a human, who reads SethBlogs, has never been murdered,” etc), then Cupid can just find a crowd of people, shoot your arrow in, and you’ll have a match!
(2) Be very specific: If you itemize your list of requirements precisely enough (ordering someone “smart, but not too smart, vegetarian, but not vegan, disagrees with SethBlogs on the evils of escalator standing,” etc) then, if, by chance, Cupid meets up with such a one-time person, he’ll have only you to fire at them. It’s a risk because Cupid may not come across your nuanced mate, but if he does, do I sense love at first vegetarian bite?
That is all. Now go out there and break a heart!