When I was a kid planning my future as George Lucas’s writerly intern on his next Star Wars trilogy, my mom read to my siblings and me Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice, and my dad read to me Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations. While neither author persuaded me away from my Lucensian intentions, I did learn from those great comedians of character that not every hero must fly in a Millennium Falcon to entertain me, and not every villain is required to drive a star destroyer to earn my scorn.
Sadly, Mr. Lucas eventually retired from the possibility of being my mentor after he sold his company to the Disney Empire, so I was forced to deputize my appreciation for Austen’s and Dickens’ less explosive stories and write my own such tale.
Today, I am verklempt to announce that my romantic comedy of manners, A Boring Book, is now out in the world and ready to mingle with readers. While my near-hero, John Smith, is not an exciting, witty, or adventurous fellow, he does possess a heart that is three sizes too big as he often notices the pains of the more interesting people who surround him, and so he seeks to help them even though he lacks the confidence to carry out his schemes.
The book is intended to be funny as I, John’s ghostwriter, use my training as the author of How to Cure Yourself of Narcissism to point out the behavioural blunders of John’s co-characters. John, embarrassingly, doesn’t always agree with my mocking of his not-quite friends and family, but the bickering between us should entertain, especially since I win most of the debates.
Unfortunately, John’s kindness gets the last chuckle. To anyone who is motivated by this message to purchase a copy of A Boring Book between now and the end of 2022, please send me a note (to firstname.lastname@example.org) with a picture or screenshot proving your purchase, and I will donate the Seth-bound royalties from your acquisition to Doctors Without Borders (John’s favourite charity).
I would have donated the results to the Disney Without Star Wars fund, but sadly I’m not the protagonist of this particular promotion.