THE SUN BURNS I: Transcript Of A Rant

The notion that the sun shines and the rain pours is part of big sun’s weather propaganda.


I: TRANSCRIPT OF A RANT (you are here)

As summer ominously approaches for another year, and I listen as always to weather reporters proclaim its glory, I am reminded of a rant provided by myself during my radio days at SethFM. I have just taken an ear peak at it, and I can confirm that my words then are as true now (if not truer, considering global warming) as the day they were born.

Since first publishing that rant, I have received many threats (from the sun), and I have feared for my skin’s life. And so I have long resisted re-releasing my resistance material on the internet. However, I recently heard a caller into The Bill Good Show (CKNW) who brilliantly and entertainingly made her own complaints about weather reporters who insist upon decrying rain as though it’s a catastrophe. In this age of natural disasters, she asked, “Does it have to be scorching hot for people to be satisfied?”

I was delighted by this rare expression of sun resistance in our sun-obsessed culture. Bill, however—who is ordinarily a reasonable man—merely chuckled and called her “grumpy.”

Really, would you refer to Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and other oppression opposers as simply being in a bad mood? 😉

Thus, in defense of my sun-resister-sister, for the first time on the internet, I offer you now the transcript of Seth’s Editorial Rant, “The Sun Burns”:

I’ve been doing a little bit of research on journalism and what I’ve learned is that journalists are expected, nay, obligated to be impartial in their journaling. You’ll notice, for instance, when Bob Newsanchor reads the news, he says:

“Today Jean Chrétien was named Prime Minister of Canada.  He does not, however, say, “Yippee, I’m glad to see that my favourite guy, J.C., got the job!”

It is, therefore, with great confusion that I notice that one species of journalist—the weather journalist—seems to believe that they are immune to the rules of journalism; you will notice, that is, that the weather journalist believes he or she has the right to tell us whether the weather news is good or bad.  When the day is to be rain-shining, we are told that it is to be “a miserable day,” while when the day is to be sun-pouring, “it will be beautiful.”

Now I for one hate the sun, always have, and so when I hear that the weather is to be, quote, “nice,” I immediately get both my rain jacket and my singing voice on so that I can get out and do some singing in the rain.*  For 24 years, that has been my habit, and for 24 years I have been disappointed as I discover that, instead of some lovely rain, that ugly yellow disc, that I like to call the burning ball of fire, is out to play.

*Now, of course, I am being facetious: I know that all weather people revere the sun like we can’t live without it, but I wonder what gives the weather people the right to expect me to worship that same weather that they do?

As someone who likes overcast best, I feel persecuted for my beliefs.  Sometimes a passing stranger will comment to me, “What nice weather we’re having.” To which I sometimes reply:

“What nice weather?! All I can see is a burning ball of fire which is giving me cancer, is causing me to squint, and is making you, kind stranger, sweat like an ice cube in an oven convention!”

To which the stranger will reply:

“Oh, come now, we can’t complain about the heat; after all, when it was raining, we all wished for the sun to come out.”

To which I reply:

“But I didn’t complain about the rain; in fact I was out there singing in it.”

To which the stranger will reply:

“How dare you prefer the rain to the sun! You have no right to live!”

Needless to say, being a rain fan is not an easy life to live in this country of sun-o-centrics.  Indeed, I often find myself hiding my rain preferences just to protect myself from an anti-rain lecture.  But, on the rainy side, or—as the sun-o-files would say—on “the bright side,” by pretending to be a sun-o-file to avoid being discriminated against, I have been able to infiltrate some conversations of sunners, and what I’ve discovered is that many sunners have latent feelings of sun hating.

“What a beautiful day,” they’ll say out loud for the sun to hear, but then they’ll mutter under their breath, “Gosh it sure is hot,” “I’m exhausted,” “I need some water,” and so on.

Such words are calls for help.  The fact is, most people are terrified to come out of the rain closet.  You see, when it comes to weather, Canada is much more a cult than a country.  We have, that is, been brainwashed to believe that we must love and adore the sun.  Who is to blame for the brainwashing?  Why, the aforementioned weather reporters, of course.  Those quirky folks with wacky ties who stand in front of weather maps pretending to know how to interpret the weather.  Yes, it is they who tell us that sun is good, rain is bad.  It is they who have forced upon our society this one-dimensional image of weather beauty.  And it is they who must be stopped.

We must stand up and tell the weather reporters that we will no longer allow them to tell us what weather we should like and what weather we should dislike.  I’m not asking the weathermen and women to enjoy a good overcast day, I’m just asking they that don’t infringe upon my right to enjoy it.  I’m just asking that—like all other journalists—they report what they see, not what they think.

Well put, previous Seth! Well put, indeed.

Portal to the video version of this rant.


I: TRANSCRIPT OF A RANT (you were just here)

6 thoughts on “THE SUN BURNS I: Transcript Of A Rant”

  1. Bravely said and nobly put. As a lover of gentle and dignified light filtered through generous clouds, I abhore bright sunlight and scantily clad overweight bodies desporting themselves unashamedly on the seasaide which is best reserved for starfish and clams that have the sense to sequester themselves beneath the waves or the sands.

  2. That Previous Seth guy’s kind of a jerk actually. I’m surprised you’re still friends with him. 🙂

    Nice rant. Occasionally the ‘Approved’ label will be applied to other types of weather, such as a crisp (but always dry) autumn day. But there is usually a qualifier – if the previous days had been rainy and “miserable” for example.

  3. Excellent. I’m going to pencil you in for the Polar Bear swim this year. Don’t worry, it won’t be too hot at all. hee hee

  4. Thank you for your support, TomD and Tarrin. TD, your use of the phrase “dignified light” gives sanctuary to my long discriminated against weather preferences. Thank you! And, Tarrin, your commentary regarding the occasional exception to the “sun-only” dogma is well stated and accepted (for future editions of this rant).

    Smorrel, meanwhile, your attempt to take me down by forcing me into a polar bear swim (if I hate the heat so much) is brilliantly done, but won’t work. While, yes, I agree with the rule that one only gets to hate one form of weather at a time, meaning that I can’t be opposed to both the heat and the cold at the same time, I can bring in alternate fear to save me. In this case, I understand there was a shark spotted in last year’s PB swim; I think I could do without getting eaten alive, thank you very much. 😉

  5. Very nicely done. You’re causing me to reexamine my admittedly sun-centric attitudes.

  6. Thank you, Julie! Reexamination of your prejudice is the first step in your reconciliation with your victims. 😉

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